| Occurrence: | Translation: |
| "Car" | Wagon |
| "Sports Car" | Chariot |
| "bad engine" | Horse died/is sick |
| "the wheel fell off my car" | The wheel fell off my wagon |
| "My mac Rocks!" | The Gods have smiled on me |
| "my friend owns a pentium" | My friend was entrapped by an evil wizard in a pentagon [and thus can't come to puddleby] |
| "my girl friend won't return my calls" | My girl friend won't talk to me |
| Enchanted Mail or just Mail |
Braveheart, Editor of the Puddleby Post
TITLE: "The Journal of Templar Dolmus Practus"
SOURCE: From Chapter 5, section 4: "The Journal of Templar Dolmus Practus"
an ancient text found in the library in the healers temple of Puddleby.
AUTHOR: Unknown
......Woke up this morning to find the whole monastary in an uproar. My pupil Timothy led me out to the stable where my eyes were greated by a terrible sight. A number of the monks were running about the hayloft chasing rodents at a frantic pace. Others were slowly pacing back and forth muttering "Autus Pilotus." It was obvious that their souls had been displaced and their bodies taken over by terrible daemons. I went back to the monastary library and consulted the Great Tome for the name "Autus Pilotus." I was able to find the following:
"Autus Pilotus" is a lesser daemon from the upper plane of Hel. He has poor control over his host and merely causes it to walk blindly back and forth. He is primarily harmless and can be safely ignored. For some unknown reason he likes to mutter his own name from time to time. This daemon will leave in his own time and cannot be cast out. (See also "Olicys Ferrusmyn")
"Anoyingus Ferrusmyn" is a greater daemon from the upper plane of Hel. He has stronger control over his host and a strong taste for the blood of rodents. This daemon is blind - he hunts by sensing the true name of his rodent prey. He will attack any form of Rat or Vermine with a true vengence - going so far as to push other beings out of his way in his lust for blood. This daemon can be misled by speaking the name of his prey. Like other daemons he will depart his host if it is left dead long enough.
We finally concluded that the only way to rid the afflicted monks of the greater daemon "Anoyingus" was to lead them out into the forst. We would then let them be slain. This would rid the monastary of the daemon without releasing it to take over any other monks.
Following the advice from the Tome I entered the stable and spoke the name "Rat" and "Vermine." The monks afflicted with the greater daemon then began to follow me out into the yard. I then led the poor souls into the forest where they could be slain by wildlife.
After a wait of many hours the daemons finally departed from our unfortunate brothers and we were able to heal them and return them to the monastary..........
Last night the Tanglewood was a scene of death and
great courage. Rescue after rescue took place over a course of 3 hours
and more, eventually clearing the woods of exiles. But events in the Wood
were not all happy.
This drama started with a a call from Rutabaga:
he needed help with a rescue and was waiting in the "safe" area in the
Tanglewood meadow. On arrival at Rutabaga's location it was discovered
that he was being pursued within the tree by an Orga Berzerk and it's Orga
henchbeings. These Orgas followed us out of the tree and were either slain,
or led away by Rutabaga.
Eventually, after dumping the last of the Orgas,
Rutabaga returned to finish the rescue he had begun. It was un unmitigated
disaster: all the healers and most of the fighters died to a horde of assorted
Orgas and Giant Vermine. Eventually the being responsible for this death
and distruction presented himself to gloat over our corpses.
Of course, it was an Orga Warleader. This Warleader looked much like a
regular Orga, but he glowed with power.
In an attempt to lure other exiles to their deaths
the Warleader sent a thought asking others to come to our rescue. Fortunately,
nobody was that gullible.
The Warleader then began to investigate our bodies.
He quickly dragged TCHealer away - presumably because he liked the insults
that TC was shouting at him. The Warleader then approched me. By this time
I was starting to go a little "off" and had begun to bloat and leak bodily
fluids. The Warleader poked me and I burst - spraying fluids all over him.
He immediatly dragged me off to join TC in the Orga camp.
Unfortunately by this time rigor mortis had firmly
set in and I was unable to sketch the scene. I will descirbe it to the
best of my ability, memory, and the fact that I could only hear the Warleader
and not TC.
The Warleader had carefully arranged TC to the North
of the firepit to cook. I was roasting near a fire to the south. For some
bizzare reason the Warleader began to question TCHealer.
He asked TC "What name you want know?"
He told us that the Orga's pet Death Vermine was named "Scarleg." He refused to acknowledge that the other DV in the camp were pets.
I suggested that he have Pete come and give him advice on cooking us. I should have suggested that we would taste better stuffed with Pixie Dust.
"Why do you have 2? (eyes) One is much better. 2 eyes weak, 1 strong." TC told me later that the Warleader liked TC's orga eye, but hated TC's explanation of binocular vision.
"You think you better than orga? You dead now. You know better."
At this point the orga howled for all the world to hear.
We were immediatly eaten and then defecated into the temple in town.
Only TC's Slave was willing to approach us to heal us. Quite frankly, we stank.
I hope nobody else has to go through an Orga's gut.
May the ancients guide your path and not drop a monster on you.
Marcus
Written by: Elkhorn of the Laughing Academy
Since me have lost most
powers of speech and things, me be writing this wit blood of slain orga.
Elkhorn has left the *@beer.#$! mudhole known as Puddleby, maybe me return one
day when things are different, but me mind has gone the way of the young
new exile who traveled to the hive.
The reazins dis happen is
Elkhorn got brain fried by evil &$*#! spriggin. It telemaported right
into me brain and won't leave. Me learned much from it, maybe too much.
But that be another story when me can think rightly.
Elkhorn be gone, gone from
Puddleby til brain finds peace. In mean time I be returning to me cell
at The Asylum for awhile. Maybe me see citizen of Puddleby or two or so
wandering about in the usual way. Like chicken wit its head chopped off,
dying and yelling and going into places where it shouldn't go. But again,
that be 'nother story alltogether.
I final word of warning,
beware of Spriggins, their intents are not as lighthearted as was previously
thought. They be jealous of our larger bodies and want them for themselves.
It be why it went into me mind, to take me body away from me.
Now Elkhorn must go, time
to... to.. YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!!!! HEHEHEHEHE
Written by: Elkhorn of the Laughing Academy
Is strange how twisted yer
tale be, in the arena, you should not curse, and should not curse continually.
That is what happened when I would not allow the exile to be healed.
And as far as blatantly
killing healers? You should pay more attention to your memory than your
emotions. One healer tried to heal the bad loser AFTER my warning, then
he recieved a warning attack, a single blow (not fatal by any means) So
how do I be doing wrongly? Others actions dictated my REACTIONS.
Constant cursing for getting
killed in arena or any other reason is similar to a small child crying
for not getting piece of candy. Which is exactly what that person is, a
baby.
So before you be getting
all uptight over someone solving common arena problem(cursing for getting
killed) Maybe you should think about both sides of the coin.
And now I must be off, it
is a long journey to The Asylum and I haven't packed my halfling sandwiches.
I recently came into possession of a small quantity
of Fairy Dust. Not wanting to let the opportunity to study it go
to waste, I enlisted some volunteers to assist me in some controlled tests
in the Arena. I have also tested it in the field, mostly against
Orga Berserks. I would like to share my findings with ye all.
It is my hope that this will lead to a better understanding of the tactical
uses of Dust, as it will undoubtedly become more common in the lands in
the near future.
As many of ye know already, the Dust will paralyse
a target creature or exile, if applied correctly. To achieve this
effect, the Dust must be applied precisely and continuously. This
requires the use of the weapon hand. Consequently, the wielder of
the Dust cannot attack the target. This much is easily deduced in the field.
The tests in the Arena focussed on the question
of whether or not the Dust affected the target's ability to regenerate
balance and health. This is obviously of some importance in assessing
the tactical uses of the substance. The test methodology was as follows:
the subjects were invited to swing at me until their balance was reduced
by half. (Due to my relatively good defense I was not at much risk,
but healers were standing by in the event that something went wrong.)
Then I applied the Dust. Other volunteers then attempted to hit the immobile
target, and the recovery rates for balance and health were observed.
It should be stressed that nobody was killed, or seriously injured, during
this testing.
Two subjects were tested: a healer and a fighter.
Both reported that balance regeneration was not affected in any perceivable
way. Health regeneration was less clear. One subject reported
that it was not affected, while the other reported that it was slowed or
stopped. However health regeneration, being generally slower than
balance regeneration, is more difficult to measure. It is probably
prudent to assume that the target can regenerate health, if perhaps at
a slower rate.
The conclusions are fairly clear. Since, on
the one hand, only one target can be immobilized at a time, and on the
other, that target's balance regenerates more or less normally, there are
some limitations on the tactical effectiveness of Dust. It is most
suitably used against a single powerful foe. (It is little help against
a Death Vermine swarm, for example.) And there must be fighters on
hand that can hit the target when it is at full balance. Within those
limitations, the Dust can be a very powerful weapon. As an example,
in my final field test before my supply ran out, the Dust was instrumental
in defending Puddleby from an invasion of Berserks. Many lives may
have been saved.
So, should ye manage to acquire Dust, use it wisely.
If my sample was representative, it does not last long. But used
at the right moment, it can mean the difference between a massacre and
a victory.
Ever in your service,
Kevas